Our weaknesses and shortcomings are areas in our lives we often frown upon and cannot wait to see fixed. Not only do we often reject the parts of ourselves that are weak and less than perfect, but chances are we have refused to be content until these imperfections are “fixed.” Someone could tell you, “I will accept and like myself again when I have finally learned to know my worth better,” every time they fail to assert themselves in life. For someone else it could be having a short temper that has become a thorn in the flesh. For some others, it could be the inability to say “no” or the failure to establish healthy boundaries with others. Yet for some of us, a weakness could be taking an offense too quickly or not choosing our battles more wisely.
Wrestling with weaknesses and imperfections seem to be an inevitable part of the journey of life. What I found to be quite fascinating is that resenting our weaknesses and rejecting them can serve the opposite purpose of growing in one’s character. The more we try resenting our weaknesses, the more alienated we seem to feel both from ourselves and others. Because we see anything less than perfect within us as “bad,” we develop a deep feeling of shame and lack of acceptance for these areas. Rejecting our weaknesses can lead to issues with self-acceptance, loss of authenticity and an overwhelming experience of perfectionism.
But can we really arrive to the point of perfection and can anyone truly live without weaknesses? Should we not have to deal with imperfections given how fallen and imperfect the world itself is? To live in a broken world and not have imperfections is the same as walking down a forest and expecting to see no trees there. We are expected to be imperfect because the world that we live in is imperfect.
I also believe that it is hardly ever a weakness on its own that causes so much of a person’s distress, but rather the relationship one has with one’s weaknesses. If I hold an expectation from myself that I am only to be perfect and anything short of that is a self-betrayal, then I will undoubtably suffer the negative emotional effects of this unrealistic expectation.
Our imperfections are pieces of who we are just as much as our well-formed character strengths. I believe the most accomplished person is not he who has gotten rid of all of one’s weaknesses and is on his way to be perfect, but one who has learned to live with one’s strengths as well as weaknesses with acceptance and compassion.
There is only one condition that requires practicing self-acceptance. It is when our selves lack perfection and thus need some acceptance from us. Technically speaking, that makes everyone living in the world qualified to practice self-acceptance. Requiring perfection from ourselves and anxiously striving to get rid of all of our weaknesses deprives us from giving ourselves the most precious gift of all, the unconditional acceptance for our most authentic and flawed selves.
As we develop a more accepting relationship with our weaknesses and shortcomings, rather than having a relationship based on resentment and rejection, we will then have a greater power and ability to grow from our weaknesses through self-compassion and grace.
